Saturday, 29 June 2013

Witch Fire, by Anya Bast

2 stars

If this book had a theme tune, it would be this: 

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It should be quite clear by now exactly what type of book I've been reading. It might have a bit of paranormal window-dressing for those who like to pretend they're not reading a sex book, but it's smut nonetheless. As such it sort of worked, in places, but mostly had me wondering if I couldn't give up this life of drudgery and succeed as a smutty writer instead.

Mira was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar sorry, diner (damn my musical tourettes) when she first set eyes on Jack. Brought up by her godmother following the deaths of her parents, Mira is (unbeknownst to her) the child of two powerful witches who were sacrificed in order to call up a demon by a warlock, Crane. Jack witnessed their deaths as a child (what with his Dad being said warlock) and has felt responsible ever since. Estranged from his father, Jack's assigned as Mira's bodyguard by her parents' Coven in order to defend her from Crane (who wants her dead on account of her being an air witch. The habit of referring to witches by their elements kept making me giggle, as I kept imagining an air witch and a fire witch sitting around eating a sandwich).

The first half of the book was virtually a two-hander as Jack takes Mira to his apartment for safe-keeping where they hang out, and Mira first exposes herself as a dumbass. Firstly, she's apparently very empathic and can easily sense the needs and emotions of those around her. Despite this, and despite the fact that Jack tells her, numerous times, how much he wants her, she spends most of her time wondering if she repulses him. Secondly, after hearing that the leader of her parents' Coven shares her mother's maiden name, she's still somehow shocked when - surprise! - it turns out they're related. These weren't the only examples of spectacular slowness on her part.

Thankfully, this is only dragged out for so long and they're soon at it like the world is powered by genital friction. I must admit that the first time Jack and Mira got it on I wasn't entirely tingle-free...however, there are only so many times that you can read about someone doing, essentially, the same routine over and over before you get a bit bored.

Wanna screw like Jack? Lemme tell you how!

Step 1: Stare at her with your "need laid bare"
Step 2: Twiddle her nipples like an amateur radio enthusiast scanning frequencies
Step 3: See theme tune
Step 4: Head south for a short spell
Step 5: Ride her like Seabiscuit

In between humping sessions, Jack continues to 'train' Mira in magick (that k really bugs me for some reason). He seems to think that this is 'training':

Luckily, it doesn't really matter how strange his teaching methods are as Mira is one of those heroines, and after about half an hour of training is easily far more powerful than most of the people who've lived in this world forever (one of my pet peeves in this genre, along with overuse of the words "cream" and "panties". Just once I'd like to read of someone taking off their knickers instead).

If you're looking for something that won't tax too much you could do a lot worse, but right now I can't imagine coming back to the series for more. If I ever do, I'll have to make sure my thinking cap is missing.

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