The first time I saw your face - best character entrances

Last week we looked at some of my favourite ways to enter a room. This week, I'm all about character entrances. Some arrive in a clash of thunder, some with a smirk, and some with awesome backing music. Here are my picks of the best:

10. Colonel Kurtz - Apocalypse Now

Having spent the whole film leading to this moment, he makes one hell of an impression in a short amount of screen time.

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9. Tobias Beecher - Oz

Making another list due to my obsession with the show (seriously, I'm currently considering Oz marathon number 9,999) and we enter Oz along with Beecher. Having Alvarez stabbed in front of him will not be his lowest point...

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8. Satanico Pandemonium - From Dusk Til Dawn

I won't bother with an intro, as Danny Trejo does a better job than I could ever hope to.

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7. Dr Peter Venkman - Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters came out when I was 5. And from the moment I spied Venkman fudging the results of a psychometric tests to flirt with a girl, a lifelong love affair with Bill Murray bloomed. 

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6. Patrick Bateman - American Psycho

When I first heard that American Psycho was being adapted for the screen, I was worried that they would never be able to do the book justice. I needn't have worried, as this introduction to Patrick Bateman attests.

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5. Jaws - Jaws

Having spent all of our time up til now with Jaws as point of view shots, or as a bit of (brilliant) music, the first time we actually clap eyes on him is one helluva moment, and also leads to one of my favourite lines in a film, ever.

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4. Jack Sparrow - Pirates of the Caribbean

Although Johnny Depp is annoying me more and more these days (I think it's the scarves. Seriously, how long does it take him to pick out and artfully arrange those 20 scarves, 30 bangles and various chains each time he gets dressed? I'll bet he takes at least 30 times longer to get dressed than I do), I can't deny that this introduction is fan-flipping-tastic.

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3. The Kurgan - Highlander

If I had my way, every moment starring the Kurgan would be top of every list going. Sadly, I understand that the world doesn't share my slightly off-kilter tastes - and that most people cheer for Christophe Lamby-pie against the Kurgan. Fools.

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2. Jesus Quintana - The Big Lebowski

Surely the greatest introduction, including the awesomeness of the Gipsy Kings Hotel California, except: Eight year olds, dude...

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1. Frank N Furter - Rocky Horror Picture Show

And so we find ourselves here, backing up against an elevator while a sparkly platform heel taps time. What happens next must have had a very profound effect on me as I not only found Tim Curry wildly attractive but also grew up to believe that most men look sexier with a bit of lippy and some eyeliner...

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Those were my favourites. What are yours?

Aubrey/Maturin - Patrick O'Brian

Feeling a bit glum? Life a bit stressful lately? Then let me introduce your cure - the Aubrey/Maturin novels by Patrick O'Brian. Numbering something like 20 novels, while I've only read two (so far) they've been a great introduction to what promises to be a fun naval adventure series. I've so far spent most of my reading time looking like this:

If this sounds like it might float your boat, read on for my review of each...

Master & Commander - 4 stars 

(read Oct '12) 

A boisterous adventure set during the Napoleonic Wars in which our protagonist Captain Jack Aubrey dashes up and down the Med in the sloop The Sophie taking 'prizes' (basically, being a pirate with his Madge's blessing), ranting about papists, playing violin, getting roaring drunk, yelling indecorous things at posh parties and cuckolding his betters.

I know nothing about sailing other than that it's done in boats, on water, and so whole sections were rendered completely incomprehensible, but I couldn't help finding it all wildly enjoyable. This was all down to the style employed and the characters - particularly Jack and his BFF Dr Stephen Maturin who, despite the constant book obsession with denouncing buggery, gave me immense slashy fun. I also got a few unexpected prods back into the reality of things back then via a crew made up of young boys and pressed men along with the odd officer, dodgy medical treatments and questionable hygiene (need to cut up your roast beef, Doctor? Just wipe off the scalpel you used to dissect a dolphin), and what it might have been like on deck of a boat engaged in a battle.

Post Captain - 4 stars

(read May '13)

"There she is, sir, just under the sprits'l yard. Tops'ls: maybe mizen t'garns'ls. Close-hauled, I take it."

Me too, dude. But once again it really doesn't matter, and this is as ruddy good fun as its predecessor. 

Spending the first third of the book on land, the 'Jane Austen for blokes' tag has never fit more as Jack and Stephen become entangled in a love triangle (or rather, quadrangle) by the grasping Mrs Williams attempts to find husbands for her girls (personally, I still think the only people they should be considering settling down with are each other - and if Stephen wants me to stop imagining smutty happenings between them then he really needs to stop calling Jack 'my dear'.)  

Needing to escape his debtors Jack needs a ship, any ship, and is grudgingly given the Polychrest, a dog of a boat with the strange habit of going backwards when her sailors want her going forwards, as well as having a constantly shitfaced ape on board. Other highlights include Jack saving a sailor from a shark, which he's rather blase about (does it all the time, apparently), Stephen hitting the laudanum when his friendship with Jack is tested, and the bringing on board of thousands of bees.

By the time we reached Plymouth (which I take as a personal shout-out) I didn't think my smile could have been any broader, but having just cheered a mate on in the marathon taking place on "that sparse barren dismal grass-plat they call the Hoe", when Stephen "looked out of the cabin at the water of the Sound, oily, with the nameless filth of Plymouth floating on it" I was tickled pink by his assessment of my hometown:

"So much wretchedness, misery and squalor I do not believe I have ever seen collected together in one place, as in this town of Plymouth. All the naval ports I have visited have been cold smelly blackguardly places, but for pox-upon-pox this Plymouth bears the bell. Yet the suburb or parasite they call Dock goes even beyond Plymouth, as Sodom outran Gomorrah." 

I've never been so proud...

Walking With Wolves

Having an awesome boyfriend, my last birthday saw me gifted with membership to the UK Wolf Conservation Trust. This Bank Holiday, while others worked on future hangovers in beer gardens, we went on a three hour journey to Reading to visit the wolves. The three and a half hours we spent in their company was more than worth the drive.

On arriving at the Trust we met the wolf handlers, all dedicated volunteers (some of whom have volunteered for the best part of a decade due to the love they have for the animals), along with one of the Directors. They spoke to us about the work the Trust does - apart from giving a home to the wolves that live there, they are also involved in educational work (trying to change the slightly scary reputations held by these beautiful creatures) and support many international conservation projects. Having been established in the village of Beenham in Reading for the past 30 years, they also told us how the village enjoyed having wolves in their vicinity, with the local school so enthusiastic that they've adopted the wolf as the school's emblem. A local farmer has also offered his land, in addition to that held by the Trust, to walk and exercise the wolves - he says it discourages dog walkers!

Currently home to 10 wolves, each wolf pack (comprising 2 - 3 members) has a couple of acres to themselves in their 'pens', and only the wolves who are happy to do so actually take part in the 'meet and greets'. We were given instructions on how to behave around them and, after checking ourselves for dangling toggles or furry bits on our clothes (both very appealing to wolves) we were introduced to brother and sister Nuka and Tala.

Nuka, the North American wolf. Photo by NikNak

Tala, the North American wolf. Photo by NikNak

Leaving their sister, Tundra, at 'home' the wolves happily led their handlers and their visitors on a leisurely stroll around the grounds, with plenty of stops for the wolves to check out new smells and to answer the howls of their sister at home, letting her know where they were.

Nuka and Tala have a howl. For iPhone/iPad click here.

Very confident and relaxed around people, they patiently let us approach and, after sniffing our hands and letting their handlers know they were happy to proceed, let us give them a belly rub. Apparently, to pat a wolf on the head or back is rather condescending and dominant, and they may feel it's necessary to put you in your place whereas a belly rub is comforting - reminding them of how their mums would lick them as cubs. Nuka in particular seemed to revel in this attention.

I meet Tala!! Photo by NikNak

NikNak meets Nuka, and gets a lick too... Photo by me.

When we returned to the centre and Nuka and Tala reunited with their sister, it was time for them to be fed and so we got to watch them gobbling their grub while the handlers spoke more about them and answered any questions we had (interesting fact: all wolves, no matter their colouring, have a dark spot at the base of their tails. It's thought that this is a scent gland which would mark the dens as each wolf entered, letting other wolves know who was at home).

The dedication and passion the Directors and handlers all have for the wolves was clear to see and wonderful to be able to be a part of, even for just a few hours. It was also wonderful to see just how content and relaxed the wolves are, and I'm thrilled that I had the opportunity to meet a couple of these fantastic animals.

If you're interested in finding out more about the work of the UK Wolf Conservation Trust, or want to become a member and have your own walk with wolves, please visit www.ukwolf.org. 

To see more photos of our visit with the wolves, click here.

On entering a room...

So there I was watching A Fantastic Fear of Everything, when Simon Pegg launched himself spectacularly into a bathroom. Undoubtedly the highlight of the film, it got me thinking. 

There are  many ways to enter a room, but here's a selection of my favourites:

10. Handsomely

The most rewatched scene on any of my DVD's....I wonder why? (Aragorn - Lord of the Rings)

9. With a flying kick

Surprise! (Jason Statham - The Transporter)

8. Behind Stan Lee's back

While I most definitely do NOT approve of the smashing up of libraries (the horror!), it's no mean feat to do it under the nose of an oblivious librarian. (Spidey & The Lizard - The Amazing Spiderman)

7. While being attacked by a vampire puppet

I can guarantee that this would get you some attention. (Spike & Puppet Angel - Angel)

6. Bursting through someone's chest

This one might hurt a bit (if you're not the alien) (Poor John Hurt - Alien)

5. With an axe and a smile

And become a cinematic icon in the process. (Jack Torrance - The Shining)

4. Via a hook slide

Kind of helps if you have a hook for a hand. (Buster Bluth - Arrested Development)

3. Through a wall

This probably shouldn't be attempted at home unless you are a replicant. (Roy Batty - Bladerunner)

2. Through the ceiling

All these years later, I still want to know the end of the joke... (John Bender - The Breakfast Club)

1. Crawling out of the TV

Although the downside is that everyone watching you do so will have died of fright by the time you emerge. (Sadako - Ringu)

Meanwhile, these guys can't even find the room...

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Les Miserables

Before we start and everyone becomes completely horrified and offended on the behalf of Victor Hugo, I know that the musical stage show of Les Miserables is supposed to be fantastic. I know that the recent film adaptation is supposed to be pretty fantastic too. I expect that the abridged version is also very powerful. Unfortunately, being an uber book-nerd that frequently inhales huge doorstep novels in a matter of moments, I chose to read the unabridged version.

source: http://www.halforums.com/xenforo/attachments/facepalm-gif.8740/

Les Miserables is apparently one of the longest running stage shows ever. I can’t say I’m surprised – if it’s at all faithful to the book then the first ever performance is most likely still bloody going.

On the one hand it's the powerful story of Jean Valjean, a convict seeking redemption. Supported by a cast of thousands, who each have their own stories, it's also the powerfully irritating and soul-sapping story of a million and one other things that popped into Hugo's head whilst writing. 

source: http://reactiongifs.com/?p=4672

While the man could definitely write, he seemed to be altogether too fond of the scratch of his own pen and this soon became hugely frustrating - I lost count of the times I'd have been transported by a wonderful and engrossing part only to have to stop so Hugo could blather on for multiple chapters about nuns, sewers, slang, or something equally fascinating, to the point that I'd have completely lost the thread of the story by the time we got back to the characters. And even then I wasn't always safe, as his characters were just as windbaggy as their creator when the fancy took him (Why use one word when you have 20,000 more at your disposal? Chuck 'em all in!) I soon got to the stage where I'd have to set the book down and pick up something light whenever I got to one of these sections and would then have that horrible sinking feeling on picking it back up, all of which helped to add to the feeling that the events in the book were taking place in real time.

By week three, after some very heavy bouts of determined reading, I was only halfway through, and had started to wander around like this:

source: http://www.fistofblog.com/2007/05/23/fist-of-arrested-development-animated-gifs/

Starting to feel like I was trapped in my own weird version of Groundhog Day, where I'd be cursed to read this book for eternity, it's probably a good thing I read this on my Kindle rather than in book form as I'd have likely tried to club myself to death with it long before the end. When the end did finally come (six weeks later) I could have wept. Not due to the contents, but out of sheer relief.

It's a shame, as there were undoubtedly some moments of extraordinary writing and if I was basing my opinion just on the brilliant bits I'd probably look better too, but I'm basing this on the fact that this nearly completely rid me of my passion for reading and the fact that it made me want to stick to the shallow end of the pool for a very long time, until I'd recovered my mojo. I also had a slight breakdown shortly after completing this. I’m not convinced that this wasn’t brought on by the book, so consider this a warning:

source: http://reactiongifs.com/?p=4307

Reading the unabridged Les Miserables will make you mental.

The 'Don't Bother' Bin - Hunter's Moon

Hunter's Moon by CT Adams & Cathy Clamp - not even 1 star between them...

So far on this blog I've let you know about some of the books I loved. There are plenty more I've not. Being something of a fiend for supernatural bollocks, I'm a big reader of that genre and have been branching out into paranormal romance occasionally, whenever my brain feels mushy and I need some light relief (not that kind, you dirty sods!) 

Which was how I found myself reading this. Warning - there's most likely spoilers below as I cannot be bothered to be discreet about my problems with this book:

Oh so painful, this is the story of Sue, a multi-millionairess lottery winner, and the assassin, 'Tony', who she hires to kill her. Yep, you just read that right. Only as well as being a killer, Tony's connected. And a werewolf. And although Sue is a pathetic, needy, self-pitying, clingy and spineless excuse for a human being, romance somehow blossoms.

Why does Sue want Tony to kill her? Because her family are assholes - cartoonishly evil manipulators who view Sue as their slave rather than relation. So, of course, suicide is the only way out as opposed to, I don't know, moving. And although Tony's peen soon makes Sue want to to live again, he's got some enemies too, and they will happily target Sue to get to him. Sadly for all of us, they don't succeed.

I'm surprised I managed to finish this considering how much it bugged me. There were some incredibly strange writing choices ("she tasted salty, like grass and woods" - oh yeah, I've always thought the woods were dead salty.) and what little that could pass for plot was more often than not sidelined in favour of exploring the bond between Sue and Tony (which is a complete turn-off, by the way. Who wants a relationship where you pretty much share a brain? I don't care how much we love one another, I want some damn privacy), or different characters telling Sue how much Tony cared for her, or her whining that she can't be left alone. The sort of person who can't make a cup of tea without emotional support, I fervently wished throughout that Tony would take her up on her initial offer and put a bullet in her brain-stem. Not that he was any better.

I won't be returning for the rest of the series, and would be surprised to find that anyone ever has...

Soundtrack of my life - NikNak

True to my promise, I've managed to bully convince NikNak to compile his own soundtrack. This is it:

Theme Song

Just like N.W.A, NikNak is Straight Outta (Lower) Compton...

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Reminds me of being a kid

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Alternate: Money for Nothing, Dire Straits

First Single I ever bought

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Make me wanna shake my ass

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Alternate: Groove is in the Heart, Deee-Lite

When I'm angry

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Makes me feel good

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Makes me feel a bit sexy

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Alternate: Come To Daddy, Aphex Twin. You think he's joking...

And we're done

Nothing left now but for the funeral song, which is...

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He will also allow...

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