Friday, 30 August 2013

Brilliant Boozers

Being a big Wright/Pegg/Frost fan, I’m a wee bit excited about the final instalment in their Cornetto trilogy, The Worlds End.

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I don’t go to many boozers these days due to the combination of a stomach condition, not needing to find someone to get laid, laziness and being older than I once was, but there are still lots of screen boozers I’d like to visit, given the chance. So, to tide me over until I can get to the cinema, why not take a look at some?

The Winchester - Shaun of the Dead

Who wouldn’t want to go to the Winchester? There are a bunch of colourful locals, a good selection of bar snacks, a decent jukebox and a gun above the bar in case of a zombie apocalypse (although we’re not using the zed-word). Forget what Liz says Shaun, I think this is a great plan...

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McClarens - How I Met Your Mother

There used to be a time that I wanted to visit McClarens so I could hang out with the gang, and maybe see some cool pencil miracles while I was there...

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I still want to visit McClarens, but now I’d simply stomp in, kick Moseby in the nuts and yell at him for a) the suckiness of the past few seasons, and b) for having spent the last few years telling his kids how in love he is/was with their Aunt Robin, and that they’re only really on this earth due to his settling for their mother once Robin was no longer available. You suck, Schmoseby.

The Titty Twister - From Dusk Till Dawn

OK, so the likelihood of my making it out alive is very slim, but that would make a brilliant excuse to not go into work the following Monday. Catering to bikers and truckers (does our Transporter count?), the Titty Twister boasts Cheech Marin on the door, a brilliant house band, and Danny Trejo tending bar. And we already know how I feel about him. Yep, visiting the Titty Twister would most definitely be worth it. Besides, with an invite like this, how could you say no?!

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Caritas - Angel

Now sadly destroyed (first by Gunn’s old friends, and then permanently by Holtz – yet more reason to hate him, as if there weren’t enough already) Caritas once provided a sanctuary to the denizens of Los Angeles – human or demon, good or evil, as violence was not only forbidden but prevented by a magical spell, with karaoke taking its place. Hosted by the fabulous Lorne, who can read your future while you sing, don’t worry if you’re the shy, non-singing type. You can always just sit back, relax, and make fun of everyone else’s singing instead.

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The Slaughtered Lamb - An American Werewolf in London

On first glance you might think I was mental for wanting to visit this pub, situated as it is in the middle of a werewolf haunted moor. And if you were looking at it from the perspective of David and Jack, you’d be right. But I’ve got a strong regional accent, and think that evenings spent putting the wind up American tourists could be a lot of fun.

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Fangtasia - True Blood

At first I considered visiting Merlotte’s, but other than to try Lafayette’s food I can’t think of any other reason to visit. Fangtasia, on the other hand, offers vampire go-go dancers, the possibility of an Eric Northman sighting and the opportunity to hook up with a vampire, should that be your thing. Best of all, it also offers the chance to be bitched out by Pam. Count me in.

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The Gem - Deadwood

Another deadly bar and one I’d be highly unlikely to even make it into (unless I was a prostitute) let alone back out again, but I think the prospect of meeting so many iconic American figures, as well as drinking with Ellsworth, learning new swear words with Trixie, being seen to by Doc and indulging my strange crush on Dan Dority, before getting some life advice from Al Swearengen, would be more than worth the risk.

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Hawkeye’s Tent - M*A*S*H

More drinks have probably been served in Hawkeye’s tent than in all the other boozers on this list, and I’d love to stretch out on one of those camp beds, Martini in hand, and be regaled by Hawkeye and Trapper, though I would appreciate being sent to the version in which Trapper is Elliot Gould.

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Those were my picks.....What are yours?

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