Thursday, 10 October 2013

Taken by the T-Rex, by Christie Sims

No stars. Seriously...yeesh.

A few days ago, whilst piddling around on the t'interwebs, I came across this. My reaction to finding out that there was indeed actually such a thing as dinosaur porn was not dissimilar to this:

Naturally, I immediately shared the news with my friends and, once they'd finished coming up with all of the filthy dinosaur names they could think of (pterodicktyl and triceracocks being my favourites), it as suggested that I read it for them. And so I did. You owe me...

Drin is the chief huntress of her village - one that's been smashed up by a T-Rex. Sadly for Drin, it didn't stop there but smashed up most of the villagers too, leaving smashed bodies lying smashed among the smashed homes of the smashed villages. The authors clearly liked this word, using it so much I soon wanted to smash them in the head with a thesaurus. Bent on revenge, Drin proposes to the survivors that they hunt the T-Rex and kill it, but they all realise that would be fucking stupid and decide to just settle elsewhere. But - ruh roh! - the T-Rex shows up again and so Drin acts as bait to lure it away from the villagers.

Being a huntress, she finds the thrill of the chase incredibly exciting. So exciting, in fact, that she's soon so horny she's tempted to stop and masturbate, but settles for forgetting where she's going. Which is the cue for the T-Rex to grab her in his wee little arms, rip her clothes off and pop its lipstick out.

If, like me, you were wondering how sex with a T-Rex would even be possible, what with the size and all, I'm happy to report that it's not. Unhappily, it turns out that it is possible to wank one off. Drin won't get her Happy-Ever-After with this dude though, as he's a love 'em and leave 'em kinda guy and buggers off as soon as he's done, leaving Drin covered in his goo and leaving me feeling like Ace Ventura...

I can very definitely say that I will never read any dino-porn again.

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