La Weasel ponders the big questions

TheShitWizard is still having fit of the screaming abdabs over the coming weekend, so tonight's post will be brought to you by La Weasel. 

As a guest blogger, I suppose I should enrich my host’s blog with worthy material but that’s too much like hard work. Instead, my mind has been occupied with some big questions – namely, what I’d like to ask certain people should I ever get the opportunity.

It all stemmed with the informative and educational programme Rise of the Continents, presented by the intelligent and foxy Prof Iain Stewart.  True story: I once bumped into him in a Clarks shoe shop buying school shoes, along with practically every other parent in the South West, but missed my chance to speak to him due to being overcome with lady-lust and conscious of some unwashed hair!  It drove all other sentient thought from me.  Plus he looked as miserable as sin – maybe that’s why he’s always off making programmes elsewhere – unhappy home life?

I digress. At the time of seeing Prof Stewart the question I want to pose hadn’t occurred, but it cropped up on Sunday night... Does he ever have trouble keeping a straight face when he says the word ‘crevice’?  He mentioned crevices several times during the latest episode and every time I had to make the fnar sound and say ‘he said crevice’.  It’s like a syndrome of sorts and is applied to many words such as moist, penal and hole (of any description).

Prof Iain Stewart. Coming soon, to a crevice near you.

That got me thinking and giggling to myself about what I’d ask other people if they ever crossed my path (I’m actually unlikely to cross anyone’s as I don’t really leave the Westcountry).

I’d probably like to ask Carol Kirkwood, the weather lady on BBC Breakfast, if she ever feels like saying ‘It’s going to be peeing it down again today.  Will it never, ever end?’  Rather than saying ‘The outlook today is variable’.  What a cop-out.  That’s just covering their backs for it could rain but we’re not sure.  Just be honest!

Another question that has arisen many times in our house is: How do actors/actresses not get aroused during nudie/sex scenes?  Frankly if I was faced with an erotic morning filming with Kit Harington (for instance) then I’d be pulsating like a jelly-fish.  How do men manage to keep it under control?  Despite there being cameras and people everywhere, a hotty is still a hotty.

Don't let the furs fool you - Jon Snow is hot.

There are so many unanswered questions I would be more than happy to pose should the possibility of a research grant come my way.  Or an anonymous benefactor wanting me to take up this mantle of public interest.  All questions submitted will be considered – no matter how ridiculous.