Creedence and Crosby are 8 week old brothers who came to live with us on Saturday. So far they're settling in brilliantly, spending most of their time either asleep, eating, or running around like mini-maniacs and trying to wrestle one another into submission. Crosby so far seems to be the daring one, trying new jumps and climbs wherever he can find them while Creedence follows behind, trying to bite his tail. Then it's time for yet another nap, while I try not to squeal at their cuteness:
Especially when they fall asleep mid-fight.
I've no idea how I'm going to drag myself away from them in order to go to work!
16 years ago today, NikNak and I got together. So, in celebration, here are 16 films that were released that year... 1. The Big Lebowski. We must have watched this one at least 1,000 times over the last 16 years, so this film really tied our relationship together.
Kickstarting a shared adoration of Wes Anderson, further cementing my love for Bill Murray and inducting Jason Schwartzman into the hall of people who should be in everything...
For my money, Blade is one of the best vampires ever thought up. And Wesley Snipes is one of the only action stars that I really believe could kick my head in.
It may feel kinda yucky watching Woody Allen films these days, but he was the perfect choice to voice Z in a film that harks back to his earlier, funnier films.
While I'd like to be able to say I'd do the same for NikNak, I'm nowhere near as fit as Lola and after 5 minutes the rest of the film would just be me, turning purple and gasping for breath.
I don't think I've ever seen NikNak so excited as when he first saw this trailer. Sadly, his excitement didn't last throughout the film. Here's hoping Cranston helps pull it off better this time around...
5 days of heavy drinking, eating churros, dodging wasps, grooving whilst sitting down and annoying our vanny neighbours, and I'm back. Did you miss me? Tomorrow I come back to reality with a bump, as I head into the office to wade through the thousands of complaints which have no doubt flooded in due to my absence, but for today I get to sit on my backside luxuriating in the bliss of still not being at work and looking fondly back over our festival shenanigans. The musical highlight of the festival was undoubtedly Steve Mason (former front-man of The Beta Band) who lit up the Far Out Stage on Saturday night. Some very twatted male members of the audience helped make this even more memorable by attempting to perfect the Dirty Dancing lift throughout.
Food highlight was the awesome Pie Minister (NikNak's still waxing rhapsodic about his pie with mash, gravy, mushy peas and roasted shallots). The drink highlight was a tie - Chai Wallah did an excellent mango, berry, banana and rum smoothie, but the Rum Shack did a great Redleg Libre, and had a pet wasp called Wesley.
The annoyance highlight of the festival was the overly dramatic girl stood by my shoulder as the Green Man burned on Sunday night, going "Oh wow!! Oh wow!! Oh wow!! I can see his hands!!"
Best festival game was undoubtedly Weekend Wee Wars (how quickly can YOU fill a Travel John?!) but Penis Bridge Wars came a close second (and was decisively won by Rerab). As for the conversational highlights, there were many. My personal favourite was that being held by NikNak and Rerab as I snoozed next to them - a very long and involved discussion of The Smell Matrix, which would apparently be starring John Ch-Churro. Other memorable moments included:
Zombie scientist to NikNak: "Thank you for not wasting my time putting faeces into a sentence." "He looked exactly like almost like my trainer." - TheShitWizard on the Zombie scientist. "Yay! It's Nick Berry!" - Rerab as Matt Berry arrived onstage.
"I want to die alone, like people in Middlesborough" - man onstage, apparently having some sort of existential crisis. "I'm gonna brush my teeth with Mojitos" - TheShitWizard on festival hygiene. "I could do without the bottom half of my legs" - NikNak Rerab to NikNak: "Go to sleep, tiny pole dancer." "I've got a monocle of light" - Rerab
"First I lived in Edinburgh, then I moved to Dundee. When I was 14, I moved to Glasgow. How about that, people?" - Edwyn Collins shows off his sparkling repartee. "Was that a dying yak? Maybe I was the dying yak. Nah....Edwyn Collins is the yak" - NikNak. Rerab: "When S&J went to Glastonbury recently they had............" NikNak: "...words?" TheShitWizard to Rerab: "I can't believe me and you ate half a Keef each last night." "I'm gonna do a cartoon smell follow." - NikNak
"It would be great if they had chairs at restaurants." - Rerab NikNak: "Why don't your feet mind as much as your head?" Rerab: "What, hats?" "Shoe hats? Shwatts?" - Rerab
NikNak: "He just looked at you like you were mental." TheShitWizard: "I don't care. Where's he from, the gym?" "Shush my little face" - NikNak NikNak: "Where's Rerab?" TheShitWizard: "Over there. She's the one the paramedics are staring at."
NikNak loves watching Masterchef. With every version he can find on series link - Masterchef, Masterchef The Professionals, Masterchef Australia, Masterchef Ireland - there's not an evening goes by without us watching at least one episode. But if there's one thing NikNak loves more than Masterchef, it's shouting at Masterchef. I find this wildly entertaining (which is probably why we've now passed the 15 year relationship mark), and now I'm going to share it with you. Surreptitious recording of some of NikNak's outbursts over the past weeks has netted me the following:
Things NikNak bellows at least once an episode:
"Cook your fucking meat!" "I don't want my food to look like anything on this show." (usually said while tucking into a plate of spaghetti and cheese on toast) "That needs waaaay more gravy." "Bloody samphire again."
The mishearings:
NikNak: "Get the gash on?!" (It was a ganache)
Me: "What's he making?"
NikNak: "A Cassius Clay sauce." (Cassis)
On Michel Roux:
"I hate Michel Roux. He scares me." Michel, describing his own dish: "...finished with a beautiful, imaginative decoration." NikNak (grumbling): "If you do say so yourself." Michel to contestants: "I want perfection." NikNak to Michel: "Well we can all want, can't we Michel?"
On skills tests:
NikNak: "Here's some squid, now fuck it up." NikNak: "Here's some stuff. Now make some flossy flossy floo floo." Contestants are told to butcher some meat. NikNak: "Innards, out!!"
Contestants are told they can make whatever they want. NikNak: "Make a pasty!"
On Gregg:
Gregg tells contestants "...off you go."
NikNak to Gregg: "Fuck you, Gregg! Off YOUgo!"
On Gregg loving a dessert NikNak was unimpressed with.
NikNak: "You like anything! You'd eat sweet dog turds!"
On pigeon:
NikNak: "Fucking pigeon? Have you not got any proper meat, you scabs?!" Food critic: "That pigeon was cooked perfectly for me." NikNak: "What, did they make it not be pigeon?" Another contestant wheels out some pigeon. NikNak: "He's done pigeon, so he can go home aswell." And then another. NikNak: "What is this? A restaurant for cats?!"
On the judgements:
NikNak: "That was harsh...Harsh, but fair." On a chef he liked being sent home. NikNak: "That's BULLSHIT that is! Fucking boo!!"
And finally:
Me: "I missed what he said then. What are they doing?" NikNak: "Undercooking their meat."
Having an awesome boyfriend, my last birthday saw me gifted with membership to the UK Wolf Conservation Trust. This Bank Holiday, while others worked on future hangovers in beer gardens, we went on a three hour journey to Reading to visit the wolves. The three and a half hours we spent in their company was more than worth the drive. On arriving at the Trust we met the wolf handlers, all dedicated volunteers (some of whom have volunteered for the best part of a decade due to the love they have for the animals), along with one of the Directors. They spoke to us about the work the Trust does - apart from giving a home to the wolves that live there, they are also involved in educational work (trying to change the slightly scary reputations held by these beautiful creatures) and support many international conservation projects. Having been established in the village of Beenham in Reading for the past 30 years, they also told us how the village enjoyed having wolves in their vicinity, with the local school so enthusiastic that they've adopted the wolf as the school's emblem. A local farmer has also offered his land, in addition to that held by the Trust, to walk and exercise the wolves - he says it discourages dog walkers! Currently home to 10 wolves, each wolf pack (comprising 2 - 3 members) has a couple of acres to themselves in their 'pens', and only the wolves who are happy to do so actually take part in the 'meet and greets'. We were given instructions on how to behave around them and, after checking ourselves for dangling toggles or furry bits on our clothes (both very appealing to wolves) we were introduced to brother and sister Nuka and Tala.
Nuka, the North American wolf. Photo by NikNak
Tala, the North American wolf. Photo by NikNak
Leaving their sister, Tundra, at 'home' the wolves happily led their handlers and their visitors on a leisurely stroll around the grounds, with plenty of stops for the wolves to check out new smells and to answer the howls of their sister at home, letting her know where they were.
Nuka and Tala have a howl. For iPhone/iPad click here.
Very confident and relaxed around people, they patiently let us approach and, after sniffing our hands and letting their handlers know they were happy to proceed, let us give them a belly rub. Apparently, to pat a wolf on the head or back is rather condescending and dominant, and they may feel it's necessary to put you in your place whereas a belly rub is comforting - reminding them of how their mums would lick them as cubs. Nuka in particular seemed to revel in this attention.
I meet Tala!! Photo by NikNak
NikNak meets Nuka, and gets a lick too... Photo by me.
When we returned to the centre and Nuka and Tala reunited with their sister, it was time for them to be fed and so we got to watch them gobbling their grub while the handlers spoke more about them and answered any questions we had (interesting fact: all wolves, no matter their colouring, have a dark spot at the base of their tails. It's thought that this is a scent gland which would mark the dens as each wolf entered, letting other wolves know who was at home).
The dedication and passion the Directors and handlers all have for the wolves was clear to see and wonderful to be able to be a part of, even for just a few hours. It was also wonderful to see just how content and relaxed the wolves are, and I'm thrilled that I had the opportunity to meet a couple of these fantastic animals.
If you're interested in finding out more about the work of the UK Wolf Conservation Trust, or want to become a member and have your own walk with wolves, please visit www.ukwolf.org.
To see more photos of our visit with the wolves, click here.
